STRESS RELIEF

[starbuck]

a place to tell jokes and funny stories

[starbuck]

This is a detective story



So Pay Close Attention
.
.


Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.
.
.

They smuggle a bottle ofJack Daniel's



into the ball park.
.
.

The game is real exciting





and they are enjoying themselves immensely...
mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.







Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone
and the game has a lot of innings to go.

.

.

.

Based on the given information, what inning is it
and how many players are on base?





Think!






Think some more!!






You're gonna love it

Answer:

It's the bottom of the fifth
and the bags are loaded!

That is a good one. I was thinking ok a 5th but not bases loaded.... Good one bro. [img]/LDPforum/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[PVVikeFan]

I loved it.

[starbuck]

glad you all liked it. hope it put a smile on your face for a second

[starbuck]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mama."

[starbuck]

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're
suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them
fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that
true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot
coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and
still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer all them ugly women I slept with?

[starbuck]

The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the
women how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give the
necessary assurances to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said: "Ladies, remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is
especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make
delivery that much easier."
She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember; you're in
this together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the teacher.
"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a
golf bag while we walk?"

[starbuck]

CHARM SCHOOL

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying "Who gives a [censored]?" I learned to say........................................

"Well, isn't that precious?"

[starbuck]

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender;
For example...

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.